Jul
13
What Would Marky Mark Do To Prevent Anthropogenic Global Warming?
posted by Eli
The new face of human greed
Ok, Check This…
You know, environmental scientists are really starting to get up my ass!
You know, environmental scientists are really starting to get up my ass!
“Stop using fossil fuels and destroying the environment!”
“Global warming is coming, buy galoshes!”
“You’re using too much solar energy, burning too much renewable plant-life!”
Why not just throw up their hands with a collective, “We’re fucked!” and enjoy the short time we have before Kevin Costner rules the world
What a news flash!: HUMAN RACE DOMINATES PLANET. MORE AT 11. But we’re not really “hogging the ball”. Earth’s entire biosphere barely captures a fraction of the sun’s energy. (Never mind the fact that we grow most of the plant energy that we’re using in the first place.)
My favorite:
Here we are, just one species on the earth, and we’re grabbing a quarter of the renewable resources … we’re probably being a bit greedy.
Really? No shit.
When petunias gain self-awareness
It gets worse. Think of the resources we’re using exclusively? The bears must be right pissed about our monopoly on oil and coal! And fish deserve fission!
I’ll only worry about self-aware petunias if 99% of the human population gets wiped out by some super-virus. (Which we would then take up on genocide charges.)
I’ll only worry about self-aware petunias if 99% of the human population gets wiped out by some super-virus. (Which we would then take up on genocide charges.)
Only Marky Mark can
stop climate change!
Fuck those guys! I say we do it to them before they do it to us! I can see the movie on this right now:
An astronaut, played by Mark Wahlberg, of course, streaks into space carrying an experiment containing genetically engineered plants. Through a freakish cosmic event, he is sucked through a worm-hole before crashing back down to Earth. He emerges to see that the world he once knew has been reclaimed by the very plants he’d carried with him on his flight! After his pursuit by planty creatures, wearing OP swim-gear and spending lots of time “worshiping” the sun, he finds that humanity’s solar greed was responsible for its own downfall…
An astronaut, played by Mark Wahlberg
, of course, streaks into space carrying an experiment containing genetically engineered plants. Through a freakish cosmic event, he is sucked through a worm-hole before crashing back down to Earth. He emerges to see that the world he once knew has been reclaimed by the very plants he’d carried with him on his flight! After his pursuit by planty creatures, wearing OP swim-gear and spending lots of time “worshiping” the sun, he finds that humanity’s solar greed was responsible for its own downfall…
Yes, the dramatic music would build as he crests a hill and spots… the remains of the largest solar farm ever conceived!
“We finally really built it. You Maniacs! You built it! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”
Now, what to call this epic…?
In a case of life imitating art-in-development, this may become a reality thanks to global warming leading to increased plant activity…
Well, I’m no meteorologist or environmental guru, but I have noticed “wacky” weather changes. It seems that things are off by a couple of weeks with spring blooming a little later than it has in the past. Of course, this could all be the natural cycle. I mean, how long has humanity really been paying close attention to the shifts of the seasons globally? A few hundred years is not really that much time when you think of how long this big old ball of mud and clay has been spinning around the Sun.
Well, I think we should start with clarifying a definition for “global warming”. The National Climatic Data Center website says (my emphasis):
“Global Warming refers, without any implications for the cause or magnitude, to the observation that the atmosphere near the Earth’s surface is warming.”
This identifies a key distinguishing point: global warming (GW) vs. anthropogenic — that is, human-caused — global warming (AGW).
I freely admit I am under-educated on this topic, but I have seen enough data to agree that there may be some amount of GW occurring. What I haven’t seen is an incontrovertible “smoking gun” proving that it’s humanity’s fault, nor that we can do a darn thing to stop it.
I was watching one report that said there is evidence that GW is a natural development and part of the overall cyclical rise and fall of the Earth’s body temperature. Humans waste a great deal, so we could be hastening the demise of the planet and the ecological infrastructure, but I think that we’ve become much more frugal and efficient than we have been in the past and will continue to develop better, more efficient ways to utilize what we have.
Besides, I’m willing to bet that the planet will rebound fine after we’ve come and gone. The next crop of intelligent life on this planet will be sucking up the hydrocarbons produced from our decomposed bones from holes in the ground soon enough. It’s The Lion King, Simba.
Besides, I’m willing to bet that the planet will rebound fine after we’ve come and gone. The next crop of intelligent life on this planet will be sucking up the hydrocarbons produced from our decomposed bones from holes in the ground soon enough. It’s The Lion King
, Simba.
Thanks, Elton, but seriously, simmer-down, buddy. And that “crop” you mentioned wouldn’t happen to be sentient petunias, would it?
Ba-Dum-Dum-Tshh!! Will you be here all week?
But seriously, time periods are an important consideration because the eons involved are impossible for most of us to grasp. I’m not sure we have enough data over enough time to fairly make the kinds of sweeping conclusions that are being made by AGW zealots.
The conclusions do seem to be much larger than the information that’s being presented that can be proven, and it also seems like: “We don’t have time to prove it ‘cuz the world’s in a crisis now, damnit!!”
Holy Materials or Holey Science?
That’s understandable because learning that GW might be outside of human control would be an unpalatable and terrifying thought for many. I mean, the whole AGW concept just smells of a very “humano-centric” view. I thought that we got over the idea that we were the center of the universe sometime around the Renaissance.
Even if GW is happening, it doesn’t mean we are causing it! There are many other factors, but some of them are humbling. If we produce a fraction of the CO2 that is produced by the natural decay of the biomass, that means despite all of our accomplishments, all of our industry, in all of the world literally doesn’t equal up to a pile of rotting shit! Talk about humbling!
What I find far more terrifying, however, is the pseudo-religious nature of the very personal (and of course political) conflict around AGW. For many people in both camps AGW seems to be something you aren’t “allowed” to question. To do so is to get you branded as “Part of the Problem.” And that always gets my hackles up.
Even if GW is happening, it doesn’t mean we are causing it! There are many other factors, but some of them are humbling. If we produce a fraction of the CO2 that is produced by the natural decay of the biomass, that means despite all of our accomplishments, all of our industry, in all of the world literally doesn’t equal up to a pile of rotting shit! Talk about humbling!
What I find far more terrifying, however, is the pseudo-religious nature of the very personal (and of course political) conflict around AGW. For many people in both camps AGW seems to be something you aren’t “allowed” to question. To do so is to get you branded as “Part of the Problem.” And that always gets my hackles up.
It’s funny how history just keeps on repeating itself. I’m just waiting for the “science blacklist” to start making the rounds.
Government: I’m sorry sir/miss, but your constant questioning of popular science based on less than empirically proven evidence and the belief of the masses and government has shown you’re unworthy of performing science in any capacity. I mean come on, who do you think you are, Copernicus?
Skeptical Scientist: But.. but…
Government: No more buts, buddy. Hand in your beaker and pipette.
The insult-slinging gets in the way of the fact that I don’t think anyone would argue that reducing emissions will hurt. I’m sure there’s a lot of crap in the air which is probably adversely affecting a lot of different organisms. The question is, how much of a difference will it make to the climate?
gets in the way of the fact that I don’t think anyone would argue that reducing emissions will hurt. I’m sure there’s a lot of crap in the air which is probably adversely affecting a lot of different organisms. The question is, how much of a difference will it make to the climate?
